Mark your calendars!   Beyond Consequences  www.beyondconsequences.com   May 29th at St. Mikes hospital in TO  or  May 31 2008 at The Bridge Community Church Hwy # 62 in  Bancroft   This event is sponsored by 1.   CANGRANDS NATIONAL KINSHIP SUPPORT www.cangrands.com 2.   The Bancroft Bridge Community Church   3.   Teddy Bear Bed & Breakfast  Cost $150.00per person, OR  Free admission with your own personal copy of the book Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control Simply bring in your book on the day of the training and you and your spouse, or if you are a single parent, you and your support person, will be given free admission for the entire full-day training! Your book is your admission ticket ! Books will be available for purchase at the door but we strongly encourage you to read this groundbreaking book prior to attending. You will be glad you did!   Heather T. Forbes, LCSW, is the co-founder of the Beyond Consequences Institute, LLC.  Ms. Forbes has been training in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Heather is an internationally published author, with her most recent book, co-authored with Dr. Bryan Post, LCSW, titled, Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors. This book, endorsed by Sir Richard Bowlby, son of the late John Bowlby (considered to be the father of attachment theory), has helped families work through severe behaviors. This book has equipped parents, through its easy to read format with practical solutions, to de-escalate the most chaotic of situations. Testimonials from parents continue to demonstrate the dramatic change families have made in just a few short weeks after reading this book. As a clinical therapist, Heather’s work has focused on helping families find healing by creating environments of unconditional love, free from fear-based parenting techniques. She typically works with families who “have tried everything but gotten nowhere.” With the parenting paradigm described in Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control, these families have seen amazing results in turning their families back around through her guidance, teaching, and support. Heather is a nationally recognized speaker. She trains professionals in the field of child welfare, mental health professionals, and parents raising children with severe behaviors. Heather delivers a message that is life-changing with a lecture style that is emotionally impactful, dynamic, and captivating. Foster care agencies and child welfare agencies around the country have seen the value of utilizing Heather as a trainer for their staff and families. Heather’s research and interest in the area of adoptive mothers has been a powerful asset in the adoption field.  Her passion is to help adoptive mothers who are struggling with their children, to understand their situations and their family dynamics.  Her most notable study, Issues Facing Adoptive Mothers of Children With Special Needs, was published in the Journal of Social Work and has been a valuable tool for adoptive families worldwide. Heather also works with families both nationally and internationally through phone coaching. Through phone coaching, Heather empowers parents in their own homes to be effective, regulated, and loving parents. Her client base includes parents from the United States to the United Kingdom. Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her direct mothering experience of her two adopted children. Heather lives in Orlando, Florida with her husband, Matthew, and their two children.     Agenda     8:15 a.m. - 9:00 a.m. 9:00 a.m. –10:15 a.m 10:15 a.m. – 10:30 a.m. 10:30 a.m. –  11:45 a.m. 11:45 a.m. - 1:00 p.m 1:00 p.m. - 2:15 p.m. 2:15 p.m. - 2:30 p.m. 2:30 p.m. - 3:45  p.m. 3:45  p.m. - 4:00 p.m. 4:00 p.m - 4:30 p.m.   Check-In Introduction "The Principles of a New Understanding" Multi-media Presentation Break "The Impact of Trauma" Multi-media Presentation Lunch - On Your Own "Behaviors Rooted in Fear - Bringing the Book to Life" Role plays, group exercises, experiential work Break "Behaviors Rooted in Fear - Bringing the Book to Life" (con't) Role plays, group exercises, experiential work Break Q&A

 

Animal husbandry has figured out that pigs don't fly, and they never will. But there is something about the explosive child that fools us into thinking that tomorrow will be different. Finally they are going to get it.

What's more, we need to believe this, given the performance demands placed on our children. Even ordinary children are expected to perform aerial acrobatics. We cannot concede the battle on controlling explosive behavior. We seem to have no choice.

What makes it so hard to see our error? In the case of our fantastic flying pig, we can see that those hundreds of pounds of pork will need a mighty force to get airborne. But when we look at our child, they look so much like other children, and even like adults, that we cannot fathom that they just might not be able to do what we are asking them. Furthermore, the hallmark of ADHD—inconsistency—means that they often do seem to be able to do the things we are asking.

Furthermore, the very deficit we cannot see is their inability to put their learning into practice. Despite knowing that having a tantrum will lead to amounts of trouble that are sorely not worth it, they are unable to act as if they understand the consequences. We doubt that the child is motivated enough to control themselves, rather than notice that they are unable to achieve what they are already so motivated to do.

So rather than work on helping them implement how to behave the way they and we want them to, we try to highlight the consequences more. Believing that it is a deficit in knowing what to do, we increase the "motivation" for something they cannot do.

What does Ross Greene suggest? Contrary to our intuition, we have to resist trying to further motivate good behavior. Instead we need to give the child tools to behave better. With some behavior, we will not be able to get them to do it now, and we have to let it go. For other behavior, the consequences of non-compliance are so dire that we have to be willing to sustain the tantrum and control the child.

In the middle, are behaviors that may be controllable, if we help the child control themselves. Here we will focus on just a few teachable moments for the child. If the pressure from the huge struggles we knew before has been reduced, we can expect some success with this.

The other lesson we teach is subtler and probably more important in the long run. We teach that we are able to have some compassion. We show that we are willing to take the effort to really understand the child, instead of fighting to have our way. And we show that we ourselves are not so blinded as to be inflexible ourselves. When we stop being pig-headed, we can indeed find the child who is eager to grow.