Betty's Blog

W5 aired our kinship documentary tonight.

2008-02-17T05:03:44Z

W5 aired our kinship documentary tonight. It was very well done and can be viewed online at http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20080215/wfive_grandparents_080215/20080216?hub=WFive

Please thank Laurie Few producer of W5 for her interest and help in promoting our case by sending her an email at: lfew@ctv.ca

Betty Cornelius
Founder of CANGRANDS NATIONAL KINSHIP SUPPORT www.cangrands.com
2580 Hartsmere Road, Mc Arthurs Mills, Ontario, K0L2M0
613-474-0035 Fax 613-474-3333
Anyone wanting to make a donation to CANGRANDS and needing a receipt can do so by donating to the
Salvation Army CANGRANDS conference & camp (cheques must say that)

SA CANGRANDS conference & camp Charitable #: 107951618 RR0001

Beyond Consequences www.beyondconsequences.com

2008-01-28T03:59:34Z

Mark your calendars!

Beyond Consequences  www.beyondconsequences.com

May 29th at St. Mikes hospital in TO or
May 31 2008 at The Bridge Community Church Hwy # 62 in Bancroft

This event is sponsored by
1.   CANGRANDS NATIONAL KINSHIP SUPPORT www.cangrands.com
2.   The Bancroft Bridge Community Church
3.   Teddy Bear Bed & Breakfast
Cost $150.00per person, OR Free admission
with your own personal copy of the book Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control
Simply bring in your book on the day of the training and you and your spouse, or if you are a single parent, you and your support person, will be given free admission for the entire full-day training!
Your book is your admission ticket ! Books will be available for purchase at the door but we strongly encourage you to read this groundbreaking book prior to attending. You will be glad you did!

Heather T. Forbes, LCSW, is the co-founder of the Beyond Consequences Institute, LLC. Ms. Forbes has been training in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999.
Heather is an internationally published author, with her most recent book, co-authored with Dr. Bryan Post, LCSW, titled, Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors. This book, endorsed by Sir Richard Bowlby, son of the late John Bowlby (considered to be the father of attachment theory), has helped families work through severe behaviors. This book has equipped parents, through its easy to read format with practical solutions, to de-escalate the most chaotic of situations. Testimonials from parents continue to demonstrate the dramatic change families have made in just a few short weeks after reading this book.
As a clinical therapist, Heather’s work has focused on helping families find healing by creating environments of unconditional love, free from fear-based parenting techniques. She typically works with families who “have tried everything but gotten nowhere.” With the parenting paradigm described in Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control, these families have seen amazing results in turning their families back around through her guidance, teaching, and support.
Heather is a nationally recognized speaker. She trains professionals in the field of child welfare, mental health professionals, and parents raising children with severe behaviors. Heather delivers a message that is life-changing with a lecture style that is emotionally impactful, dynamic, and captivating. Foster care agencies and child welfare agencies around the country have seen the value of utilizing Heather as a trainer for their staff and families.
Heather’s research and interest in the area of adoptive mothers has been a powerful asset in the adoption field. Her passion is to help adoptive mothers who are struggling with their children, to understand their situations and their family dynamics. Her most notable study, Issues Facing Adoptive Mothers of Children With Special Needs, was published in the Journal of Social Work and has been a valuable tool for adoptive families worldwide.
Heather also works with families both nationally and internationally through phone coaching. Through phone coaching, Heather empowers parents in their own homes to be effective, regulated, and loving parents. Her client base includes parents from the United States to the United Kingdom. Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her direct mothering experience of her two adopted children. Heather lives in Orlando, Florida with her husband, Matthew, and their two children.

Agenda

8:15 a.m. - 9:00 a.m.

9:00 a.m. –10:15 a.m

10:15 a.m. – 10:30 a.m.

10:30 a.m. – 11:45 a.m.

11:45 a.m. - 1:00 p.m

1:00 p.m. - 2:15 p.m.

2:15 p.m. - 2:30 p.m.

2:30 p.m. - 3:45 p.m.

3:45 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.

4:00 p.m - 4:30 p.m.

Check-In

Introduction
"The Principles of a New Understanding"
Multi-media Presentation

Break

"The Impact of Trauma"
Multi-media Presentation

Lunch - On Your Own

"Behaviors Rooted in Fear - Bringing the Book to Life"
Role plays, group exercises, experiential work

Break

"Behaviors Rooted in Fear - Bringing the Book to Life" (con't)
Role plays, group exercises, experiential work

Break

Q&A

"That Pig Can Fly If He Really Wants To… "

2007-11-29T04:45:18Z

"That Pig Can Fly If He Really Wants To… " http://www.addconsults.com/articles/full.php3?id=1440

by Lew Mills, Ph.D, MFT
www.millsconsulting.com

It's probably common sense that you can't teach pigs to fly by giving them pig-treats every time they jump up. Though it is true that you can inspire a lot of truly amazing behavior simply by rewarding it when it happens, it is also obvious that you can't train a behavior for which the basic ability is not there. Motivational strategies, like rewards and punishments, presume that the pig can fly, if he wants to.

Despite the obvious folly of pig piloting, we make this same mistake with our children. We often misjudge what a child is capable of, and then attempt to train the behavior by fine-tuning our reward strategy. Because children are limited in their ability to redirect us from this mistake, we end up in miserable unproductive battles to make a child "understand the rules."

This is the central message of Ross Greene's book, "The Explosive Child." Though not explicitly limited to the diagnosis of ADHD, he describes children who are easily frustrated and unable to be flexible. Their tantrums and outbursts seem to call for discipline. Yet discipline rarely has any positive impact on the problem.

Like our pedestrian pigs, these children are unable to "learn a lesson" from our punishments. In fact, the cycle of outbursts and punishments tends to increase frustration and lead to more of the behaviors we want to control. Despite the failure of our approach, we persist that we can't just let them "get away with it."

Animal husbandry has figured out that pigs don't fly, and they never will. But there is something about the explosive child that fools us into thinking that tomorrow will be different. Finally they are going to get it.

What's more, we need to believe this, given the performance demands placed on our children. Even ordinary children are expected to perform aerial acrobatics. We cannot concede the battle on controlling explosive behavior. We seem to have no choice.

What makes it so hard to see our error? In the case of our fantastic flying pig, we can see that those hundreds of pounds of pork will need a mighty force to get airborne. But when we look at our child, they look so much like other children, and even like adults, that we cannot fathom that they just might not be able to do what we are asking them. Furthermore, the hallmark of ADHD—inconsistency—means that they often do seem to be able to do the things we are asking.

Furthermore, the very deficit we cannot see is their inability to put their learning into practice. Despite knowing that having a tantrum will lead to amounts of trouble that are sorely not worth it, they are unable to act as if they understand the consequences. We doubt that the child is motivated enough to control themselves, rather than notice that they are unable to achieve what they are already so motivated to do.

So rather than work on helping them implement how to behave the way they and we want them to, we try to highlight the consequences more. Believing that it is a deficit in knowing what to do, we increase the "motivation" for something they cannot do.

What does Ross Greene suggest? Contrary to our intuition, we have to resist trying to further motivate good behavior. Instead we need to give the child tools to behave better. With some behavior, we will not be able to get them to do it now, and we have to let it go. For other behavior, the consequences of non-compliance are so dire that we have to be willing to sustain the tantrum and control the child.

In the middle, are behaviors that may be controllable, if we help the child control themselves. Here we will focus on just a few teachable moments for the child. If the pressure from the huge struggles we knew before has been reduced, we can expect some success with this.

The other lesson we teach is subtler and probably more important in the long run. We teach that we are able to have some compassion. We show that we are willing to take the effort to really understand the child, instead of fighting to have our way. And we show that we ourselves are not so blinded as to be inflexible ourselves. When we stop being pig-headed, we can indeed find the child who is eager to grow.

CAS kinship funding

2007-11-26T01:22:15Z

Anyone who is getting the CAS kinship funding and can help please do so! Thanks Betty

I am a nursing student at the University of Maryland. I am in an Advances and Trends in Pediatric Nursing with Dr. Satyshur.
My project is to find resources for grandparents raising grandkids in 5 countries. I found small news report about grandparents should receive state support like foster parents. I couldn't find any info whether are eligible. Could you email letting me know if it was granted?

Thank you,
Myra Carhart
myracarhart@yahoo.com

No mention grands raising grands.

2007-11-25T16:17:27Z

No mention grands raising grands.

To comment click: http://www.stcatharinesstandard.ca/feedback1/default.aspx?e4=an_editorialemail

Sounding alarm on poverty; 'Crumbling of society' predicted here if action isn't taken to combat problem

Niagara faces a "Dickensian" future of urban decay and social collapse if efforts aren't made to solve a growing poverty problem, says the Region's medical officer of health.

There will be higher crime, skyrocketing health-care costs and "the crumbling of society" if poverty continues to rise, Robin Williams told The Standard's editorial board Thursday.

"We'll reinvent history," she said. "We'll be a Dickensian society where the urban core is poor. There will be crime, the crumbling of society, urban decline."

Williams and Niagara social services commissioner Brian Hutchings met with The Standard to sound the alarm on a dire problem that has so far escaped the public's attention, they said.

Each year, the number of working poor increases, Hutchings said. About 15 per cent of local children now live in poverty.

As more children become trapped in the poverty cycle, more experience health problems such as obesity, asthma and behavioural issues, Williams said. The result will be an incapable future workforce.

Poverty in Niagara

Fourteen per cent of Niagara residents live in poverty.

The median employment income in Niagara is $23,400 - the second lowest in Ontario in 2004.

The most likely to live in poverty are women, single mothers, aboriginal families, new immigrants, victims of violence and the disabled.

Poverty is most prevalent in St. Catharines (15.5 per cent), followed by Port Colborne (14.9), Welland (14.9) and Niagara Falls (14.4). The lowest poverty rate is Niagara-on-the-Lake with 4.2 per cent.

Poverty is associated with panhandlers, but the fastest growing segment of the poor are parents in low-wage jobs, Hutchings said. Of the families in the Niagara workforce, 15 per cent earn less than $20,000 per year.

"We need to focus on this and say, 'Is this acceptable? Is it acceptable that kids are going to school hungry? Is it acceptable that kids are living in poverty and don't have the supports they need to be successful? Is it acceptable that kids are living in these conditions?" he said.

Hutchings has given various presentations on the problem. He will meet with decision makers at local school boards to encourage them to "look at things through a poverty lens." He is preparing a report with recommendations to present to regional council in January.

But a nationwide anti-poverty strategy is most needed, Williams said. Individuals can offer philanthropy and advocacy, "but that's not a systematic solution," she said.

In a 2005 UNICEF report card, Canada ranked 19th of 26 developed nations in combating child poverty. One in six Canadian children lives in poverty, compared to one in 12 in France. The federal government should look to other countries for possible solutions, Williams said.

Niagara has seen some successes, such as an Opportunities Niagara "job bus" that transports people to work, Hutchings said. But more individuals and politicians need to contribute to the solution.

"We're trying to start a momentum," he said.

Mayor Brian McMullan agrees with Williams's assessment. The loss of manufacturing jobs has only worsened the problem, he said.

From improved literacy training to regulations curbing imports, "it's a problem all levels of government should be addressing," McMullan said.

The city's efforts to date, he said, have focused on attracting more jobs.

Beyond Consequences

2007-11-15T15:18:49Z

Mark your calendars!

Beyond Consequences www.beyondconsequences.com

May 31 2008 at The Bridge Community Church

Hwy # 62 in Bancroft
and

May 29th 2008 at St. Michaels Hospital in the Paul Marshall Room in Toronto

Cost $150.00per person, OR Free admission

with your own personal copy of the book Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control

Simply bring in your book on the day of the training and you and your spouse, or if you are a single parent, you and your support person, will be given free admission for the entire full-day training!

Your book is your admission ticket ! Books will be available for purchase at the door but we strongly encourage you to read this groundbreaking book prior to attending. You will be glad you did!

Heather T. Forbes, LCSW, is the co-founder of the Beyond Consequences Institute, LLC. Ms. Forbes has been training in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999.

Heather is an internationally published author, with her most recent book, co-authored with Dr. Bryan Post, LCSW, titled, Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors. This book, endorsed by Sir Richard Bowlby, son of the late John Bowlby (considered to be the father of attachment theory), has helped families work through severe behaviors. This book has equipped parents, through its easy to read format with practical solutions, to de-escalate the most chaotic of situations. Testimonials from parents continue to demonstrate the dramatic change families have made in just a few short weeks after reading this book.

As a clinical therapist, Heather’s work has focused on helping families find healing by creating environments of unconditional love, free from fear-based parenting techniques. She typically works with families who “have tried everything but gotten nowhere.” With the parenting paradigm described in Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control, these families have seen amazing results in turning their families back around through her guidance, teaching, and support.

Heather is a nationally recognized speaker. She trains professionals in the field of child welfare, mental health professionals, and parents raising children with severe behaviors. Heather delivers a message that is life-changing with a lecture style that is emotionally impactful, dynamic, and captivating. Foster care agencies and child welfare agencies around the country have seen the value of utilizing Heather as a trainer for their staff and families.

Heather’s research and interest in the area of adoptive mothers has been a powerful asset in the adoption field. Her passion is to help adoptive mothers who are struggling with their children, to understand their situations and their family dynamics. Her most notable study, Issues Facing Adoptive Mothers of Children With Special Needs, was published in the Journal of Social Work and has been a valuable tool for adoptive families worldwide.

Heather also works with families both nationally and internationally through phone coaching. Through phone coaching, Heather empowers parents in their own homes to be effective, regulated, and loving parents. Her client base includes parents from the United States to the United Kingdom. Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her direct mothering experience of her two adopted children. Heather lives in Orlando, Florida with her husband, Matthew, and their two children.

Agenda

8:15 a.m. - 9:00 a.m.

9:00 a.m. –10:15 a.m

10:15 a.m. – 10:30 a.m.

10:30 a.m. – 11:45 a.m.

11:45 a.m. - 1:00 p.m

1:00 p.m. - 2:15 p.m.

2:15 p.m. - 2:30 p.m.

2:30 p.m. - 3:45 p.m.

3:45 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.

4:00 p.m - 4:30 p.m.

Check-In

Introduction
"The Principles of a New Understanding"
Multi-media Presentation

Break

"The Impact of Trauma"
Multi-media Presentation

Lunch - On Your Own

"Behaviors Rooted in Fear - Bringing the Book to Life"
Role plays, group exercises, experiential work

Break

"Behaviors Rooted in Fear - Bringing the Book to Life" (con't)
Role plays, group exercises, experiential work

Break

Q&A

This event is sponsored by

CANGRANDS NATIONAL KINSHIP SUPPORT www.cangrands.com

The Bancroft Bridge Community Church

Teddy Bear Bed & Breakfast

St. Michaels Hospital

looking for a group home

2007-11-13T03:34:45Z

I know some of you have very hard to handle grand and kinship children.
Check out: http://www.mooseheart.org

W-Five Kinship Documentary

2007-11-03T22:04:25Z

Maybe now that W-Five is doing a kinship documentary our government and other media will sit up and pay attention to our issues.

Bancroft CANGRANDS hosted our kinship/grandparents pot luck yesterday. It was awesome, what a feast!~~ The bonus is I have left over galore so did not have to cook supper last night or tonight! Chapter leader Tammy and her grandson Alex (from Huntsville) as while as chapter leader Barb and granddaughter, Kristen (from North Bay) drove down together to support and encourage me. I was able to finally put faces to Sandra from Belleville as well as, Cindy and Ruby from Treed. Locally grandmas: Phyllis, Vickie, Lee, Feasy, Rita and Jen came out. A few of the local grandparents sent regrets or were too afraid to come out with W5 here which is o.k. too.

W5 arrived with cameraman and sound man plus producer Laurie Few. They are a amazing team as well as great baby sitters for Alex and Kristen. Since my foster baby could not appear on camera the grandmas played pass the baby, however as luck would have it he slept for most of the meeting/lunch while they were filming the part where we all shared our horror stories and tears.

It was Alex's 6th birthday and Tammy had the best Dutch chocolate cake I have ever eaten. Alex was incredible with telling (on camera) "Why' he lives with his nana and what a good nana she is. When I looked around the room there were no dry eyes.

A special thanks also goes out to Lynn, Beverly, and Barb and all those at the camp this year who were willing to speak on camera and be wiling to put your kinship tale out there. Laurie has a MIRACLE to pull off as they have over 900 hours of kinship filming that she must now cut down into a half hour documentary.

Please pray that whatever she keeps will tell our kinship issues and touch the heart of all who watch it therefore causing a uproar of public demand that the government starts to treat us with fairness and the dignity we deserve.

W-Five is an Gemini Award-winning show that is in its 39th season, and is the longest running current affairs program in North America. It is the number ONE investigate show and is watched by over 1 million people and often beats CBC ratings! W5 airs on Saturdays at 7 p.m. ET and the kinship show will air just before Christmas December 22nd.

To thank W-Five for doing this story you may email them at: W-FIVE@ctv.ca